Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
barbara walters just said penis...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
