was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
