I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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