the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
