I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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