Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
