I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
