my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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