Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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