Plan B is the new Plan A
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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