Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
