I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
