wake up i wanna do it froggy style
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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