wat bout pragnant strippers??
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
sex in a hospital.. check
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
