... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You made out with two different species that night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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