We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
