Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
