I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
