There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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