Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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