hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
