Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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