Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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