Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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