there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
