i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
