Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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