I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
