I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
