so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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