me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
