I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we made out on top of his cat.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
