I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
