toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He shit in the fireplace
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
