Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Barsexuality is the new black.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
