i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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