I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
