You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
