I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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