You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
