Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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