also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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