i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
