i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
