you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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