I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
