Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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