Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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