listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
