I cannot find my penis.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
