Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
