So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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