It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
