Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
