She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
