it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
