I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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