I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
