yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There's always time for handjobs
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
