its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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