You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
