ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
