you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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