the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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