Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
