I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
