highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
