? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
