TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
