I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
