I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
