I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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