Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
