she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
