I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
