We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
