Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm too high and old for this...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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