Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
