He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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