WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
